Tajir


Ini postingan bakal bisa dikira postingan super congkak. But anyway I don’t care.

I don’t think I’ve never been this tajir before. Lima hal yang bikin gw merasa tajir:

  1. Gaji di bidang tech company yang lagi lumayan hype
  2. Pajak penghasilan Singapore yang kecil abis disbanding pajak Jerman gw
  3. Gw sering banget having business trip, jadi biaya hotel, makan, laundry, transport, dll ditanggung semua.
  4. Gw sering travel ke Indonesia padahal living expense di sana jauh lebih kecil daripada living expense di Singapore
  5. Gw belon berkeluarga

Karena 5 hal diatas bikin gw ngerasain yang namanya hidup tajir. I meant not tajir kaya the 10% or even the 1%, tapi tajirnya middle class. Hahahaha. Jadi sebenernya ga tajir2 amat juga.

Tapi karena ketajiran ini akhirnya gw baru ngerasain buat ga pernah mikir buat spend apapun. If I think I need it, then I will buy it. Pernah gw lagi jalan di mall, mau beli pemotong kuku buat anjing, lewat toko game, ada urge buat beli PS, ya gw langsung beli. Thug life.

But tajir ini bikin gw mikir juga. I meant gw ga setajir Ciputra, tp gw disatu titik dimana gw ngerasa ada di titik ekstrim ketajiran dalam 28 tahun kehidupan gw. Trus apa yang gw rasakan?

Nothing.

Klise tp bener. Kalau tajir ga bikin lu happy. Ada riset bilang bahwa sampai titik penghasilan tertentu (kalau di US skitar 90rb USD/tahun) maka kenaikan penghasilan lu ga akan menaikkan kebahagiaan di kehidupan lu.

I think that’s what I feel currently. Gw ga merasa gw lebih happy dibanding waktu gw kuliah dulu. Padahal mungkin dulu pengeluaran gw dalam sebulan bisa sama kaya pengeluaran gw 4 hari sekarang. Kalau secara matematis harusnya kebahagiaan gw sekarang sekitar 7.5 kali lebih besar. Tapi ga, bahkan kadang ga jarang kalau gw ngerasa dulu jauh lebih happy.

Mungkin bener apa yang gw tonton dari documentary yang judulnya “happiness”. Kalau orang suka ngejar 3 hal dalam kehidupannya, yaitu: uang, fame, dan recognition. Ternyata 3 hal itu cuman tipuan dan ga bikin lu happy. Sebaliknya 3 hal yang bikin orang happy sebenernya: berguna buat orang lain, perkembangan diri, dan hubungan yang berkualitas. 3 hal yang gw ga ada tajir2nya sama sekali….

How about you?

Are you tajir? Are you happy? Are you not tajir but happy? Are you tajir but happy? Are you not tajir and not happy? Are you tajir but not happy?

Sombong



Let me be sombong for a second.
“Also wanted to share that after a nice catch up session w Yoel this week I was inspired by the rental “try it on” story in SEA. I will use it as part of an experiment I’m running with home chefs. Congrats Yoel!” – Hillary

“Way to go, Yoel!!! See, I told you everyone was talking about your amazing work!” – Lisa

“Go Yoel! 

Inspiring and eye-opening work! ” – Maria

“Well deserved Yoel! It’s incredible how many projects, PMs and designers you’ve been supporting in your short time here. You’ve definitely been pushing everyone’s work to higher levels of quality and helped start closing the experience gap with the regional competitors. Congrats Mr. Black Knight!” – Matt

“This is awesome Yoel! Well deserved 🙂 You are the epitome of collaboration and making locally inspired impact across teams.” – Elisha

“Well deserved! Your work is tremendously helpful on almost every project in SEA :)” – Peiyu

#sombong 🙂

28



I was turning 28 yesterday. Gila juga. Makin tua!

1. Karena gw lagi di San Francisco, gw jadi berasa ngerayain ulang tahun dua kali. 😀 tanggal 12 oktober uda pada ngasih selamat yg di timezone indonesia dan tanggal 13 oktober orang2 us, jam jerman, and temen kantor yang baru ngasih congrats.


2. Kemarin di kantor lumayan unik. Jadi gw selama di HQ di SF suka duduk di meja yang di lorong gt. Kalau pm, engineer mau ke meja mereka biasanya mereka ngelewatin meja gw dulu. Suatu waktu tiba2 Toshi (engineer) ama Elisha (designer) nongkrong di meja gw. Rada aneh tp krn si Elisha pernah gt juga di hari sebelonnya, jd gw biasa2 aja. Then, si Elisha tiba2 ajak meeting impromptu. Gw blg gw uda ada meeting tp dia ngedesek. “Very quick”. Yawis gw layanin. Terakhir gw meeting ama a PM, dan selama meeting si PM ini distracted bgt, pegang hp and chat. Hingga suatu ketika dia bilang “hey Ashish want to jam too; let’s meet him”. Gw ikutin si PM ke daerah kita and then…. udah kumpul lah 20an product tim gw  (engineer, designer, pm) disana sambil bilang happy birthday and suruh gw tiup lilin cake. Feel so weird. Hahah. Honestly gw trakhir tiup  lilin cake itu 2013 kayanya. Haha. 

Behind storynya, toshi and elisha distract gw karena si PM mau jalan lewatin lorong gw sambil bawa cake nya and si PM set up fake meeting biar yg lain siap2. So sweet, considered gw baru kerja 3 bulan di Uber.


3. After that surprise, gw ada meeting lain sama anak2 sesama researcher. And again I got another cake. Sweet lagi.


4. Pulang dari kantor, gw makan Ramen brg bbrp colleagu yang deket. Lmyan enak and nutupin craving gw.


5. I visited Seattle on last saturday-tuesday. Ceritanya ngasih kado diri sendiri. Anehnya yang dulu gw berasa special berasa biasa aja. Yg dulu pengen tinggal and kerja di sana, somehow biasa aja. Makanan2 yg gw dulu suka, jg terasa biasa aja. Haha. Highlightnya bisa ktmu temen2 dulu, si Dan, Ben, dll, ke gereja, and ke kampus. Lumayan happy lah 3 hal itu. O ya, jg smpt mampir ke kantor Uber yg di Seattle, kantornya lmyan cantik dan diajak makan ama researcher yg kerja di sana.


6. I am old! 2 tahun lagi gw kepala 30. And dari dulu pny target mau nikah umur 30. So time is ticking. Haha. 

7. On the other hand, I feel young. Gw berasa gt krn setiap kali gw check in di hotel atau pesawat business class , gw selalu berasa kaya dilihat dari atas kepala sampe bawah sepatu. Pernah gw cek in peswat bisnis class dan si orgnya nanya “business class?”gw jawab iya dan dia tetep nanya sampe 3 kali. Haha. Mungkin bkn krn tampilan gw yg young selalu pake kaos; jeans, and sneakers, tapi krn tampilan gw lusuh. Hahaha

Tapi beneran gw merasa ga berubah jauh dari 2011 waktu masih di bandung dulu sih. Masalahnya lingkaran pertemanan gw. Dari sejak 2005 gw selalu dikelilingi orang muda and belon nikah and kerja di perusahaan yg mayoritas employeenya muda2 (atau ga berkeluarga). Jadi ntah knapa gw jd berasa masih kekanak2an krn faktor itu.


8. 3 months anniversary di Uber. Baru 3 bulan di Uber, tp gw berasanya udah berbulan2 disini. Gw liat rangkuman schedule gw, dalam 3 bulan terakhir, 5 minggu gw di SG, 5 minggu di Indo, 1 minggu di Vietnam & Phillipines, and 4 minggu di US. What a life. Plus 20+ terbang bolak-balik Asia tenggara. Berasa jetset!

9. Gw tmbh gendut! This is the longest business trip I’ve ever had. 47 days! Efeknya gw tmbh berat. Gimana ga. Kemana2 ngUber, tidur hotel, makan delivery atau makanan enak ga sehat. Gw harus tobat.

10. I still don’t know what I want in my life. People in my age usually already have a stable life, settle down, and ga neko2. Sementara gw? Weekend kmrn makan edible weed di Seattle dan weekend ini terbang ke LA dan balik lagi ke SF minggu malem cmn buat makan makanan korea and ktmu temen di sana. Lord have mercy on me. 

Trackless Sea



(Pic by Yuki)

The calm that fills my chest
This peace unstirred, this joy of rest

My weary soul has found a charm

Within the shelter of your arms

In desert wastes I fear no dread
I care not where my way is led

Fearless I walk the trackless sea

‘Cause all my life is life with Thee

Fearless I walk the trackless sea

‘Cause all my life is life with Thee

I’m holding on to feelings in between
The faith I want is bound in apathy

I’m tired of doubt and feeling incomplete

Still, this hope I hold is my reality

I’m not alone, I’m not alone

You’re not alone! Hold on!

Hold on, hold on to me!

You’re not alone! Hold on!

Hold on to me, hold on to me!

Root


I am in my hometown now, celebrating my mom and dad’s birthday. It was great to meet them, my sister & bro in law, my grandma, my cousins and aunties. 

Tapi yang aga bikin mikir adalah keadaan nenek. She is 83 and since she has been stop working, she really started to age. Dia uda susah jalan, lupa siapapun, susah pipis, susah berdoa, dll. Lumayan sedih. Mulai berubah bgt 2 tahun belakangan ini. Lebaran tahun 2015 dia masih bisa inget gw. I feel that I already lose her.

Td pagi gw terbang dari vietnam – sg – jogja. Dari jogja gw naik kereta ke solo dan dari stasiun solo gw naik becak ke rumah. Di perjalanan, I saw all kind of people. Ada yg duduk2 nganggur, jualan rokok, jualan buah, dll. Mungkin krn settingnya gw tau bgt, gw jadi berasa gmn gt.

Di vietnam, kemarin, we were young and excited. We discussed how we can conquer vietnam market and all other steroid stuff. Dan di solo, hari ini , gw liat penuaan, kelemahan, sakit, dan kemiskinan.

It is just so wrong. All kind of cool stuff that I discussed on the last several days do not mean anything here. All of those numbers, statistics, products, insights, intellectual discussions we had, mean null here. Null.

They cant even help my grandma who struggled to pee.

Ironi


Hari ini hari ke-22 sejak gw ga di kamar apartment di Singapore. Dan masih 25 hari lagi sampai akhirnya gw (mungkin) balik ke Singapore. The next 25 days, I will be in Indo, Vietnam, and US (+ 8 hours transit in SG to collect my fall jacket actually?

Rasanya lmyan campur aduk. Di satu sisi gw lmyan “nyaman”. Tinggal di hotel enak, baju di laundry, makan dibayarin, ke kantor tinggal ngesot, dll. Di sisi lain lmyan capek juga. I don’t have regular schedule now. Ga bisa decide tiap hari minggu mau ke gereja mana, mau ke komunitas mana, mau bikin temen ama siapa. Ketika di Jakarta kebanyakan gw jg ngerasa capek and pilih istirahat di hotel drpd ketemu temen2.

So actually it was shitty. Haha. Most of the them I just feel tired and lonely.

On the other hand, career-wise I am doing really good. Beberapa research gw went viral and got recognition from a lot of people. Pernah product director buat global market sampai kirim pesan pribadi saying thanks and asking if there’s anything he can help. Di all hands meeting, in the kudos section (where people say thank you to other colleague), my manager praised me in front of a lot of people. Research requests came from several people. Indonesia GM, Philippines GM, Vietnamese GM pada minta personally buat do riset di market mereka. Other researchers spoke highly ttg gw. Dan hal2 sombong lainnya….

But I dunno why. I think I am burn out now. Haha. Padahal baru 3 bulan disini.

Kemarin gw request days off buat november dan libur natal nanti. Si manajer dengan baiknya blg “are you sure you have enough days off. I know you work until very late. You deserve some days off”. Baik bgt. Jadinya I am thinking to take some days off in Seattle when I will be in the US later on.

But in overall, I am so done. Hahaha. Masih culture shock dari hidup nyaman gw di Eropa dulu.

Gw lagi nulis tulisan ini sambil duduk di kursi bisnis Vietnam air , 787 dreamliner, dari hanoi ke ho chi minh sambil muka yang ketekuk2 kaya orang depresi ga pny masa depan. Ironi aja.

I really don’t know what I want in my life.

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Pengecut


Bandung, 11 September 2016

5 years ago I was still in Bandung. Spending my last year in Indo before I went abroad. Bandung has been a great place in my life. I could say that I have one of the best seasons in my life while I am in Bandung. In Bandung, I met my friends who I can consider as my family. In Bandung, I felt excitement on my life. I felt alive. In Bandung, I also met one girl, who used to be very precious for my life.

Today, maybe just few kilometers from a coffee place where I am writing this letter, that girl celebrated her wedding day. And here I am…too chicken to visit her wedding celebration and facing a reality that finally she belongs to another guy.

She is one of the sweetest lady that I’ve ever met. She is like a sun. Everytime I met her, I felt warm inside my heart. She knew pretty much everytime I was under pressure. She would do all kind of things to cheer me up.

For almost 5 years in my life in Bandung, I spent so much time together with her. I think there was no other person who sat on my motor cycle back seat more often than her.

There was one time which I never forget. Out of the blue, she was crying behind my back. I was so surprised and asked her “What happens” and then she started to share on how sometime I pressed her too much and made her afraid to me. I never felt more sorry than that moment.

5 years ago, maybe I made one of the most stupid decision in my life. Just because I was leaving Indo and afraid that I could not maintain our relationship, I decided to not continue our relationship. One decision that kept haunting me for the last 5 years.

Today, I never I felt so much depressed, stressed, and lonely than this very moment. I am really sorry for not being humble and “berbesar hati” to celebrate your moment. I am really sorry for making that stupid decision 5 years ago that broke your heart. I am really sorry for being so ruthless at that moment. I realize that I was (or am) a cold, selfish, and ruthless guy.

If you read this letter, which I think the probability will be very low. I want to say congratulation for your new life. Deep inside my heart, I think I am very happy for you. I know for sure that you will be a really awesome wife and mother for your family. There is no other man that is luckier than your husband. I am praying that you keep being a blessing for others like what you did so awesomely to me 5 years ago. Congratulation and I hope you can forgive my cowardice and stupidity.

Remah roti


Orang biasanya ninggalin remah roti untuk ninggalin jejak. Breadcrumb.

Remah roti gw lumayan tersebar di beberapa tempat. Solo, Bandung, Indonesia, Seattle, San Fransisco, US, Singapore, Nuremberg, Jerman, Prague, Norway, UK, dan kota2 Eropa lainnya.

Menjadi masalah karena kota-kota ini jaraknya berjauhan. Dan jumlah cuti dan uang yang terbatas menghalangi untuk bisa menginjakkan kaki di kota-kota itu jika hati meminta.

Hari2 ini gw pengen liat remah2 roti di kota kota tua Eropa. Cobble stone, gereja tua, cafe, crepes, pasar, dingin, gugur, salju, gunung, dan semuanya yang berbau eropa.

Tadi gw liat video ttg nuremberg. Hati langsung bergejolak. Hahahha.

Although I am having vert good life now. Decent apartment, ga pernah masak, really satisfying jobs, ability to travel a lot but….
Emang orang ga pernah puas. Selalu pengen apa yg lagi ga di tangan.

Cobble stone… 😅

 

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Routine


I do miss my routine. Sebulan terakhir hidup gw beneran ga teratur. Dibanding hidup gw yang cukup teratur di Jerman, kerjaan gw di perusahaan yang baru kaya bumi langit. Coba liat jadwal gw dua bulan terakhir ini:

  • Singapore. July 14-July 24
  • San Francisco: July 24- August 5
  • Jakarta: August 5-August 10
  • Singapore: August 10-August 11
  • Jakarta: August 12-August 17
  • Manila: August 18-August 20
  • Singapore: August 20 – tbd

Dulu gw pikir kalau kerja yang banyak travelnya bakal seru. Tapi ternyata capek banget. Hari rabu kmrn gw cuman tinggal di kamar apartment gw semalem di Singapore, sebelon keesokan harinya harus balik lagi ke Jakarta. Dan di SF atau Jakarta, setiap kali gw plg dari kantor, gw uda capek banget. Paling dinner ama temen.

I miss my low key life. Where I can just watch Netflix after going home from work and order junk food. What kind of your dream job? Gimana nurut lu ttg kerjaan yang banyak travelnya?

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