Pengecut

Bandung, 11 September 2016

5 years ago I was still in Bandung. Spending my last year in Indo before I went abroad. Bandung has been a great place in my life. I could say that I have one of the best seasons in my life while I am in Bandung. In Bandung, I met my friends who I can consider as my family. In Bandung, I felt excitement on my life. I felt alive. In Bandung, I also met one girl, who used to be very precious for my life.

Today, maybe just few kilometers from a coffee place where I am writing this letter, that girl celebrated her wedding day. And here I am…too chicken to visit her wedding celebration and facing a reality that finally she belongs to another guy.

She is one of the sweetest lady that I’ve ever met. She is like a sun. Everytime I met her, I felt warm inside my heart. She knew pretty much everytime I was under pressure. She would do all kind of things to cheer me up.

For almost 5 years in my life in Bandung, I spent so much time together with her. I think there was no other person who sat on my motor cycle back seat more often than her.

There was one time which I never forget. Out of the blue, she was crying behind my back. I was so surprised and asked her “What happens” and then she started to share on how sometime I pressed her too much and made her afraid to me. I never felt more sorry than that moment.

5 years ago, maybe I made one of the most stupid decision in my life. Just because I was leaving Indo and afraid that I could not maintain our relationship, I decided to not continue our relationship. One decision that kept haunting me for the last 5 years.

Today, I never I felt so much depressed, stressed, and lonely than this very moment. I am really sorry for not being humble and “berbesar hati” to celebrate your moment. I am really sorry for making that stupid decision 5 years ago that broke your heart. I am really sorry for being so ruthless at that moment. I realize that I was (or am) a cold, selfish, and ruthless guy.

If you read this letter, which I think the probability will be very low. I want to say congratulation for your new life. Deep inside my heart, I think I am very happy for you. I know for sure that you will be a really awesome wife and mother for your family. There is no other man that is luckier than your husband. I am praying that you keep being a blessing for others like what you did so awesomely to me 5 years ago. Congratulation and I hope you can forgive my cowardice and stupidity.

3 thoughts on “Pengecut

  1. Woaaa…so honest!
    kalo si mbak yg dimaksud baca tulisan ini, pasti hatinya agak galau dikit gimana gitu..
    Tapi yaa…
    Itu memori, ini realita.
    Semangat mas yoel!!
    When you feel that you find the one, please hold her hand tight, and never let go..

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