Bandung, 11 September 2016
5 years ago I was still in Bandung. Spending my last year in Indo before I went abroad. Bandung has been a great place in my life. I could say that I have one of the best seasons in my life while I am in Bandung. In Bandung, I met my friends who I can consider as my family. In Bandung, I felt excitement on my life. I felt alive. In Bandung, I also met one girl, who used to be very precious for my life.
Today, maybe just few kilometers from a coffee place where I am writing this letter, that girl celebrated her wedding day. And here I am…too chicken to visit her wedding celebration and facing a reality that finally she belongs to another guy.
She is one of the sweetest lady that I’ve ever met. She is like a sun. Everytime I met her, I felt warm inside my heart. She knew pretty much everytime I was under pressure. She would do all kind of things to cheer me up.
For almost 5 years in my life in Bandung, I spent so much time together with her. I think there was no other person who sat on my motor cycle back seat more often than her.
There was one time which I never forget. Out of the blue, she was crying behind my back. I was so surprised and asked her “What happens” and then she started to share on how sometime I pressed her too much and made her afraid to me. I never felt more sorry than that moment.
5 years ago, maybe I made one of the most stupid decision in my life. Just because I was leaving Indo and afraid that I could not maintain our relationship, I decided to not continue our relationship. One decision that kept haunting me for the last 5 years.
Today, I never I felt so much depressed, stressed, and lonely than this very moment. I am really sorry for not being humble and “berbesar hati” to celebrate your moment. I am really sorry for making that stupid decision 5 years ago that broke your heart. I am really sorry for being so ruthless at that moment. I realize that I was (or am) a cold, selfish, and ruthless guy.
If you read this letter, which I think the probability will be very low. I want to say congratulation for your new life. Deep inside my heart, I think I am very happy for you. I know for sure that you will be a really awesome wife and mother for your family. There is no other man that is luckier than your husband. I am praying that you keep being a blessing for others like what you did so awesomely to me 5 years ago. Congratulation and I hope you can forgive my cowardice and stupidity.